ScienceFictionTwin

Seriously

2009-11-30T07:06:00.000-06:00

Doing stuff over here. No time to actually write anything.

How Long???

2009-09-19T14:17:00.001-05:00

I need to start writing again. I'm just sayin'.

An Actual Update

2009-01-05T09:47:00.000-06:00

Don't get excited. I made a video.

Unboxing the Monster: David Lynch Coffee from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Justifying My Domain Registration

2008-12-24T09:59:00.000-06:00

Gotta use the website periodically.

Merry Christmas to all the drunkards, junkies, half-wits, freaks, morons, outsiders and hobos.

Happy Birthday

2008-11-13T10:43:00.002-06:00

For little Gert. Who's not so little anymore. She's seven today.

There are few songs that make me think of Gert more than this. It's an awful video, but every time I hear it I get nostalgic and all teary.

Tumble With Me

2008-11-07T09:21:00.002-06:00

Yeah, I don't update this much. Work gets in the way. Stupid priorities. I'll get back to it, I promise.

In the meantime I'm posting some things I find on the Net to a tumblog. It's like a lazy version of this, but easier and with less creativity. Check it out. Now. And, also, send me money. Thank you and here's my address:

Less Than You Think

The Stephen Malkmus School of Dance

2008-11-04T07:38:00.002-06:00

And I was there.

Yes, you too can dance like Stephen Malkmus. Learn the pigeon toe jump! The stiff-legged wobble! The arm twitch! The backwards wiggle-walk! The off-rhythm, arms-in-the-air-but-still-kind-of-care! The droop-armed run in place! The squat and nod! And, for a limited time, the down-low/up-high hand wipe.

(Side note: great show. Loud, rocking and weird.)

On the Road Again

2008-10-30T14:58:00.002-05:00

Finally got to edit some of the video from our summer vacation. Will make others soon. Here's a montage (yes montage, I like them) of us traveling from home to the cabin.

Driving to the Smokies: St. Louis to Townsend from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Not Posting

2008-10-22T08:12:00.003-05:00

I know, not posting. Just do not have time to sit down and write.

But this...this is important. You see, we blocked out July 25th through August 1st as our vacation. The plan is, no matter where we go, to be driving there on the 25th.

I can't do it now. Mont Ventoux on the penultimate stage! There is no possible way I can miss that. That may very well decide the tour on a mountain top finish. On the freaking Ventoux.

Hope the kids understand...

Ugh

2008-10-02T08:44:00.002-05:00

My throat feels like I swallowed the shag rug from Robert Evans' swank pad after an orgy around the hookah.

Add to that the fact that I'm under an intense deadline and that Gert has been up the past two nights puking, and you have me right now. I'm exhausted, feel like crap and haven't slept well for the last few days. I'm plugging my way toward my deadlines while I'd much rather be asleep while I wait for the scream of urgency from the next room signaling another round of Captain Vomit reporting to duty.

Send help.

And a haz mat suit.

Sad Little Gert

2008-09-30T16:38:00.000-05:00

As if having a broken arm weren't enough, poor Gert is reeling over a friend moving out of the neighborhood. It seems that there were some issues at home and mom and at least one of the daughters moved out.

Gert tells me they are currently living in a "compartment" with the number 2 something.

Tour of Missouri Update

2008-09-12T09:45:00.002-05:00

Still on the road. Seeing the start of today's race and heading home to a puking, one-armed daughter and a tired wife.

Highlights were the entire time trial, which was great. Driving through Ft. Leonard Wood, watching the race split apart in Stage 4 on the King of the Mountains climb on highway J with a 12% climb. I believe I got the video of the exact moment the winning break broke off from the main pack. And I saw Kayle Leogrande come struggling up the climb five minutes after the pack and eventually climb into the broom wagon. The finish in Rolla was great as well. In fact, my brother-in-law's head and my hand and hat bill are on the far left bottom of this photo. Darby is the one hanging over the barrier and my camera is sitting above his left ear.

Untagged video and photos here.

Broken Arm

2008-09-01T20:26:00.001-05:00

Broken Arm
Originally uploaded by scifitwin

Freshly home from the hospital, where Gert celebrated Labor Day. She was playing at a friend's house and fell off the monkey bars. Broke her arm just above the wrist. Right here she's smiling because of the lingering effects of narcotics the nice doctors gave her.

She's resting her arm on a bag of frozen peas because it feels better than an ice pack.

She'll be in a cast for about 12 weeks and a wrist guard for two weeks after that. Gymnastics and climbing the rock wall at REI are on hold. For now.

Happy Election Season

2008-08-26T19:38:00.002-05:00

Funniest Family Video Ever

2008-08-03T17:29:00.002-05:00

We're back from vacation. And, seriously, I'm not happy about it. I want to be a park ranger and live in a small town. Might have to figure out how to do that.

Anyway, while I'm tagging photos and sorting through video please enjoy the funniest thing we've ever videotaped. It's what's known as "The Spider Incident".

Matilda found a very large spider in the loft. And by large I mean it clearly had been exposed to radiation. From stem to stern it was about the size of a tennis ball. It was horrifying. I went to kill it. It would not die. This is the future of bugs people.

Anyway, Chris video taped and Gert, well, she assisted Matilda and I. Hilarity ensued.

On Top of Old Smoky

2008-07-25T20:17:00.002-05:00

I'll be away for a while. Unplugged and enjoying nature. In the meantime:

My Odd Family

2008-07-24T14:40:00.002-05:00

A new teen in the house:

Matilda's Birthday from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Hey, We're Being Watched!

Hip Hop Handjive from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Toward the Peacock

Toward the Peacock from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Gert's Jersey

Rest Stop Gert from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Junior Directeur Sportif

2008-07-20T11:45:00.002-05:00

Little Gert has suddenly become the most demanding directeur sportif in all of cycling. After every ride I have the following conversation:

Gert: How far did you ride?

Me: 25 miles.

Gert: That's it? That's not even 30 miles!

No matter how far, how fast or how far I ride it's never far enough, fast enough, hard enough. She's a demanding trainer.

With that attitude, and the way it makes me want to try harder to please her, I think she may be the first female DS to ever lead a team to win Le Tour. Maybe?

Mmmm Porky

2008-07-15T16:11:00.001-05:00

I could use some ribs right now. I mean, in a really bad way.

Someone hook me up.

Holy fu...

2008-07-09T07:57:00.002-05:00

Ow. I started a new core training program to mix in with my usual riding today. It's et outside, I needed a rest day and I figured, why not? Good day, right?

How can I describe the pain and humiliation of the first day of this workout? By the end I was talking to dead relatives I never met. What's amazing is that this workout was just three circuits lasting 7 minutes each with rest periods in between, a five minute warm-up on the bike and a stretching cool down. All in all, it was under 35 minutes of actual work. But in my head it was seven hours of trudging through the desert wearing a suit of bricks.

I can say this though: I may finally drop the ten pounds that won't seem to go away. I'll also be stronger and it will really help with much of the riding, both in strength and endurance.

Now I'm going to go cry in the corner. I know eventually this won't hurt as much.

Make Lemonade

2008-06-29T13:13:00.002-05:00

Yesterday Gert and a friend grabbed a table, made a sign and set up a lemonade stand on the driveway. They had cups, napkins, the whole nine-yards. A fantastic six-year-old effort and a childhood rite of passage. But their approach was different.

The lemonade was free. But you could donate money for "homeless babies and pets". All together they raised $13, half of which was given to the stray rescue people and the other half is being sent to a babies in need program in tomorrow's mail.

Right now Gert's upset because it's raining. She was planning on raising money for cancer today. Now her free lemonade stand is on hold.

If you happen to be in the neighborhood and see a stand offering free lemonade, stop on by.

It takes a pretty special kid to spend several hours making signs, setting up a stand and sitting out in the hot sun only to give away the lemonade and donate any money they get to charity.

I think we could all learn a lesson from Gert's approach to life. I know I did.

Mixed Emotions

2008-06-28T13:09:00.002-05:00

Sitting here migrating files and what not to a new computer. It's more fun than ever. But I'm listening to the groovy mix I'm putting together for my sister's Fourth of July BBQ. Two CDs: Hot Summer Days & Cool Summer Nights. A lot of classic soul and funk and even a little Horace Silver. Good music to drink and talk to.

But as I'm sitting here I realize how freaking weird it is having a teenager living here. She used to be a lot shorter, talked funny and played with dolls. Now she's tall, talks to boys and has a really sharp wit. She's also a little strange. But hey, weird kids make interesting adults, right?

Okay, back to copying files and listening to some nice funky music. Helps the time pass.

Need More Time

2008-06-26T07:21:00.002-05:00

I thought summer was supposed to be relaxing. How is it possible that we have less time every day in the summer than during the school year? It has been insane around here. Absolutely insane. Chris and I see each other for about 45 minutes at the end of the day.

That is all. I have no point. No funny stories. Unless you think round is funny.

Oh, Grace Potter & the Nocturnals are coming to Live On (off) the Levee. I won't be here. Sigh. My brother is going to go for me and make indecent remarks. Neko Case is coming in September. It's a Wednesday. Chris and I are trying to work out the details for that, since tickets go on sale shortly.

Dance & Cheer

2008-06-22T15:13:00.003-05:00

Gert went to Dance & Cheer camp last week. Naturually, my kid was the one who looked like she was going to a Misfits concert. It was cute. This is one of the moves she brought to the class:

Patented Gert Move from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

How could they harness that sort of raw energy? More here.

And, this is what happens when Matilda gets a hold of the Flip:

Our Kitchen from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Current Conditions

2008-06-21T14:27:00.002-05:00

Of one my my favorite cycling routes. Poor farmers out there.

Father's Day

2008-06-19T21:35:00.001-05:00

Father's Day from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Tour of Missouri

2008-06-17T09:41:00.002-05:00

It's in September and, for the second year in a row, the person I was going to travel with has had to drop out. Anyone wanna go? I've been saving my vacation time for it. I'd hate to have gone through seven months without taking a day off and not be able to follow a few stages.

I buy you pork and beer.

This is where actually having friends might come in handy. Sigh.

Children's Story

2008-06-16T13:10:00.002-05:00

I'm not answering email today. Don't take it personally. I'm preparing for a conference on Wednesday and Thursday and have to learn everything I can about my client's product line since, ostensibly, I'm selling it. My client can't be there so I am his proxy. Maybe I'll sign a new book for him...I'm also demoing some sort of technology that I haven't seen yet. This could be interesting.

Father's Day? Videos to come. But, in a word, awesome. KATY ride, lunch with in-laws, man-sized hamburgers and ribs for dinner, laying on the couch bloated and tired. Success.

A few things: Gert made me cry. Long story. But when she said, "Daddy I know that you love me" for some reason it just opened up some river of emotion. She didn't see me cry. She still makes fun of me tearing up at the end of Field of Dreams. But, for some reason, the purity of her comment just killed me.

It could be because her sister had secretly made me a video about her favorite thing about me (I am funny and sing silly songs all the time). But, also, if you bother me while I'm working apparently I "go all WOOOOO" on you.

There were two quotes from this weekend that, unfortunately, I did not get to record. Gert and Mom were the culprits and, no I won't explain:

"I don't want to be the penis."

"It tastes like clown vomit."

Those go down in the hall of fame.

Like Father Like Daughter

2008-06-14T07:43:00.001-05:00

Hard Morning from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Apache

2008-06-10T15:09:00.002-05:00

The ghost of Geronimo came back and killed Tommy Seebach. At least we can hope. Dig that funky dancing at the 2:50 mark.

Okay, I have to cleanse that pallate. Here's a much better song with the same name.

Oh fuck it. I'll ruin that too.

Sucker Theather

2008-06-10T11:15:00.002-05:00

So Gert already had a flat on her new bike. She has daddy's good luck. I've discovered that glueless patch kits are roughly useless compared to the old ones. Sure, they get you back home but not with confidence. Granted, I've only used the patch kits to patch other people's flats. I'm a tube carrier. You can get the tube switched out in half the time and be on your way. Just cuts out the middle man.

So I went out and bought a traditional patch kit with real glue. The kind that allows you to fix the flat and get a nice model airplane high. And I needed to get Gert a new tube.

Instead, I bought three tubes for 20 inch bikes. Why? Well, it's possible Gert will destroy hers again. I've seen her ride. But I thought about all those kids with 20x1.75 tires riding around the neighborhood and thought about all the dads who would probably let that flat tire sit in the garage because they didn't know how to change the tube. So color me a sucker.

Yes, I'll even use them for the neighbor kids who are being raised by wolves. Even feral children deserve proper bike rides.

Gert's Big Ride

2008-06-09T15:26:00.003-05:00

Gert got a brand new bike this weekend. The very first one that wasn't previously owned and abused by a sibling or another kid. The model is a "Pixie", which she loves. It's very sporty. It's a decent bike. This should last her a few years, I hope.

We rode the KATY on Saturday morning and had a fantastic time. Gert was determined to make it to Frontier park in historic St. Charles, which is a little less than 5 miles from the trail head. Ultimately she did a little over 9 miles that day. Here's the proof:

Gert's First KATY Ride from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.
Riding behind the Family Arena.

Interview with Gert from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.
Taking a break just shy of her goal. We tried to tell her that we could turn around, that she'd done more than expected. But, she was determined. By the time we got back to the steep series of ramps that took us out of the river valley and I shot off to catch and school some dick who buzzed by Gert without announcing himself, Mom offered Gert the opportunity to walk. She refused and fought her way up most of the climb. Her legs gave out about 100 feet from the end. You can kind of see how big the climb is, especially for a 6-year-old, here. That's taken from the bridge which is level with the parking lot. You can see the asphalt leading up.

Apple and tree seem pretty close...

Oh, and I blew past that asshole at 16 mph up hill while he was struggling to find the right gear while still looking studly in front of his slutty girlfriend. Kind of hard to do when some geek like me not only passes you on the climb but scolds you about nearly running a six-year-old off the trail. Again: Dick.

Celebration Dance from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.
She made it to her goal and here is her celebratory dance. At least I think it's a dance. Then we had to turn around and make the same distance back. Though she was tired in the end, she was cheerful and hilarious the entire time. And when I told her that the people who had just passed us were getting further away her face tightened and she started to hammer. If she had a little more energy she would have caught and passed those stupid adults.

It's Not On! from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.
This is about a mile from the ramp to the parking lot. She's cute.

Passing Strange

2008-06-05T16:46:00.001-05:00

Preview:

Performances from the Obie Awards:

Feed the Birds

2008-06-05T10:06:00.003-05:00

Ever tried to sprint into a 20 mph headwind in order to escape a bird trying to tear through your helmet and eat your brains? (Or protect its fledglings, depends on your perspective).

It's hard.

Really hard.

It hurt. A lot.

But I escaped. Hopefully without bird flu.

This Weekend DaVinci Cried

2008-06-03T15:05:00.001-05:00

Rennaisance Faire from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Got the father of the year nomination when at the Renaissance Faire I borrowed money from my daughter to buy beer.

When you watch the above video you'll understand why.

Oh Yeah

2008-05-27T11:11:00.003-05:00

Passing Strange soundtrack is out. Go buy the "pre-release release" from iTunes. (Warning: Will launch iTunes.)

It's pretty darn good. Having issues with hearing other people singing with Stew's phrasing and rhythms. I'm used to Heidi doing it, but hearing another guy doing a Stew turn of the phrase is just weird.

I have to admit that the ending surprised me. Having not seen the show, it's hard to actually know how it resolves (nor should you tell me) but the way it ends is an interesting choice.

State of the Union

2008-05-27T07:57:00.002-05:00

Not riding nearly enough because of work and weather. Compared to last year my fitness sucks. Granted, it's better than average, but still.

Then, today is the last day of Kindergarten. Can't believe that.

And in less than a month a teenager will be living in this house. Wow. When I started dating her mom she was just about to turn three. It's been an interesting decade.

You Brush Your Teeth

2008-05-22T08:45:00.000-05:00

Brush Your Teeth from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Gert's way in the back. Third to last when they leave the stage.

My Stupid Brother Part II

2008-05-19T07:55:00.001-05:00

Jeff Tweedy
Originally uploaded by scifitwin

So we all went to see Wilco on Friday night. Of course, anyone who knows me knows I love Wilco. Listen to their music constantly, have all the albums, all the b-sides, all the single tracks from soundtracks and on and on and on (which that's even a Wilco reference).

My big brother got me into the after show thanks to Jeff's Aunt. I had the opportunity to talk to Jeff for a few minutes about music, he thanked me profusely and kindly and patted me on the back. Probably because he thought I was a total farb. Actually, I told him I didn't want to be a total Clark Griswold and I wouldn't take up too much time, which he thought was funny.

Still, it was a thrill for me. But probably not as thrilling as it was for Jeff to meet me, of course. Who wouldn't be thrilled to hear me mumble something incoherent, stutter and ultimately say something stupid.

Talked to Nels Cline about his bag and his shoes for a bit. Turns out we have the same taste in shoes, and he has narrow feet. Nice guy, but he's an odd man. Of course, I'm the one who brought up the shoes.

All in all, great show and amazing after show experience. The next morning, while riding my bike and battling a raging headache from lack of sleep, I kept thinking how weird it was that I had actually chatted with Jeff Tweedy the night before. I know he's just a guy, but seriously, he has a few of those songs that I play in my head as my personal soundtrack. So it was a mixture of an honor and a surreal moment.

Thanks to my brother and Jeff's aunt!

My Stupid Brother

2008-05-16T11:29:00.002-05:00

Met Jeff Tweedy last night.

Why didn't I go to the Thursday night show with him?

Oh Astrud

2008-05-15T10:39:00.001-05:00

Astrud Gilberto and Stan Getz from some 1964 movie I've never heard of. It is both lovely and awkward. But why does Astrud end up in front of a Christmas tree? I don't get it.

Gert the Docent

2008-05-13T11:19:00.002-05:00

Gert the Docent from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Wherein you learn about knight hats and knight uniforms. Mean Daddy admonishes when he probably shouldn't have. Bad Daddy.

Mother's Day: The Director's Cut

2008-05-12T06:55:00.001-05:00

Mother's Day: The Director's Cut from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

8 minutes you'll never get back. You'll learn that your face is longer than your butt and see a horrifyingly messy bedroom.

I'm a Little Dinosaur

2008-05-09T15:01:00.000-05:00

Gert's Tooth

2008-05-05T16:56:00.001-05:00

Gert's Tooth from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Gert lost a tooth. It was more complicated than you'd think.

Gert and the Beanstalk

2008-05-04T19:26:00.001-05:00

Gert & the Beanstalk from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

The Monks

2008-05-02T07:30:00.000-05:00

I had no idea this existed. If the date of this performance is correct, well, these guys were a few years ahead of their time. Damn Germans.

Get Better

2008-04-29T10:45:00.004-05:00

From the new Mates of State album, due out May 20. I think this very well may be the best song they've ever done. I really love it. And if you watch closely at the end, you can see Kori and Jason's daughter lifting a flower up to the sky. It's a family affair for them. It should be noted that Kori was also about 8 months pregnant when they filmed this.

I absolutely love this song. I've watched this video ten times just to hear it. Absolutely fantastic.

If Microsoft Ran IKEA

2008-04-26T08:28:00.003-05:00

New thoughts on an old idea.

1. All IKEA furniture must be bundled with more IKEA products that you won't need. For example, if you buy an IKEA bed, you also must buy IKEA plates. Otherwise, the bed won't work.

2. All IKEA furniture will come with proprietary screws that will require you to hire professionals to insert and turn them, as the proprietary screws will require proprietary screw drivers. Fear not, because after spending $1000 you can be certified to use the screw driver.

3. All IKEA furniture will only work with other IKEA furniture, or otherwise approved furniture developed for IKEA. Therefore, if you want to put your feet up when you sit in your IKEA chair, you must buy an IKEA ottoman. Or an IKEA compatible ottoman.

4. In order to use your IKEA furniture, you must use a unique activation code. Each piece of IKEA furniture will only be able to be used in one room. If you want to move your IKEA desk from one office to another you will have to buy a new user license.

5. Finally, all home builders will be required to optimize their floor plans for IKEA furniture. You can use other brands of furniture in your home, but you may not be able to see the coffee table you install, and that picture may not ever hang straight.

Of course, you have to make sure you update your IKEA drivers every time you use your IKEA furniture. And be sure to wait for your couch's Service Pack 1 before you install that coffee table. Because nothing is worse than sitting down for a cup of coffee and finding that your couch has seized up and won't restart without entering safe mode. Naturally you'd have to uninstall the pillows in order to get the couch back online and even then it still won't recognize the coffee table.

Open Source furniture will work with IKEA products, however, you may violate the GPL if you try to sell that furniture when your girlfriend breaks up with you and you want to get back at that bitch.

Awe.Some

2008-04-25T15:10:00.003-05:00

This is the sole reason I started playing the uke. It's things like this that make it fun (via Boing Boing of course):

And, also, still the most underrated Beatles song. Ringo rocks on this one. Yes, Ringo.

Quck Tally

2008-04-25T09:56:00.002-05:00

Taking stock for a moment.

After 6 years of working as a freelancer or as an employee of my own business.

Number of Books I've completed as a freelancers (listed as editor): 18

That doesn't include websites, supplements or camera ready books.

Books currently managing to pub later this year: 5

Books publishing any moment: 1

Large video projects overseeing: 1

Books to publish at later dates I've agreed to or am working on: 4

First editions, current and published: 6

Areas I've worked: Athletic Training. Health, Health Promotion, Health Education, Recreation, Facilities Management, Physical Education, Physical Education Curriculum, Life Skills, Fitness, Kinesiology, Drug Education, Drug Counseling, Wellness, Exercise Science, Student Success, Education research.

Huh. And you thought I was unemployed because I'm home all day and wear shorts, didn't you Neighbor Joe and wife Blandie? Huh.

Dreams Dashed

2008-04-25T07:26:00.002-05:00

Gert, alas, did not make it into the Variety Show. I suppose passion does not always trump know-how. Maybe next year. Being Gert, she's totally zen about it. She understands, she's moving on.

In fact, now she's put all of her dreams into a contest where you create a fairy for the Disney Fairies series and can have it included in a book. But, more importantly, the grand prize is a trip for four to Disney World with an overnight stay in the castle.

That's the dream for her. Staying in the castle. And she spent the better part of a month preparing this fairy. Her name is Summer, her friends are Miley, Hannah and Lilly (hmmmm, wonder where those names came from) and she brings sunshine.

Huh. Sounds like she describe herself.

Backstage With the Modern Dancers

2008-04-23T06:27:00.003-05:00

Backstage With the Modern Dancers from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Well. Sort of. Give me a Flip Video, some editing software, some effects and a song and this is how I interpret a bunch of kids auditioning for a talent show.

The song is by Great Lake Swimmers, which means I've officially become one of those guys who makes videos for songs and posts them on video sites.

Rock Star: The Performance

2008-04-22T23:14:00.000-05:00

Rock Star: The Performance from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Organized, choreographed, produced, dictated, lead, and ruled with an iron fist by Gert. This whole thing was her idea, her plan and her valiant friends followed and participated.

They organized rehearsals, planned costumes, got props. Not sure if it's a dance, a cheer or performance art.

But, in general, six-year-old genius.

Rock Star

2008-04-21T12:41:00.001-05:00

Heading out on birthday ride #2. Wanted to post this quickly. Shot it this morning on my brand new birthday toy (Flip Ultra). Cool. Taking it on my ride too.

Rock Star from Gary O'Brien on Vimeo.

Happiness Is...

2008-04-17T13:30:00.003-05:00

Laying with my daughter on her bed, sharing iPod earbuds while listening to and discussing music. Then listening to her sing every word of the song she likes to sing when she's angry (it's by Hannah Montana, of course).

Fade Out

2008-04-15T16:12:00.001-05:00

Goodnight Ollie. Though you are gone, you will live forever.

America's Got Talent

2008-04-14T19:27:00.003-05:00

Gert has decided that she wants to be in her school's variety show. She is currently behind me with her little MP3 player playing Hannah Montana's "You and Me Together", meekly singing and working out some choreography.

Gert can't sing, except with the earnestness of someone who deeply loves music.

Gert cannot dance, except with the passion of someone who is moved very deeply by the song.

It's totally "Little Miss Sunshine." Okay, maybe not that disturbing, but you know what I mean.

She may not get into the show, but to me it's the greatest thing I've ever seen.

You Win, Cycling. This Time

2008-04-12T20:50:00.002-05:00

So I paid the money for a subscription to Cycling.tv for three months. Paris-Roubaix is too exciting not to watch on the same day. A week later? Feh. That's unpossible.

So, double-fisting coffee, I'll be up early tomorrow watching those poor bastards suffer.

It's going to be brutal. I'm looking forward to it. Yes.

Radio silence rescinded. I'm sure you were breathless waiting to hear that.

Radio Ga Ga

2008-04-12T10:04:00.002-05:00

I'm going on cycling radio silence from right now until 4/21 (coincidentally my birthday). I do not want to know the results of tomorrow's Paris Roubaix until I can watch the race. That means no Velonews, Cycling News, Trust But Verify, Fredcast, Spokesmen, Quickrelease-TV, Stlbiking or even fellow cyclists' blogs. Which is a shame, because there are some good local races this weekend and I'll be ignoring those results too.

Sigh.

But I want to watch the race and not know what happens. And, who knows, maybe I'll get something done at work without all these time leaks.

Measured Expectations

2008-04-11T12:50:00.006-05:00

So, it's spring and that means that the year-long masturbation in the cycling media is in full swing. Yes, it's that time that we get a weekly article about how George Hincapie is going to win X race because he's nearly won it in the past. Or because he's tall. Or because his wife is drool-worthy French podium girl. Or because he was with Lance on every Tour win. Or because he's an American boy and not living under a controversy cloud like the embattled Floyd Landis. Or because he makes clothing. Because he's a nice guy. And he's George! Yay!

The latest is Paris-Roubaix. Every year the (American) press tips him as a favorite to win. Just like they do in every damn race he enters. Every year George disappoints.

I'm going on the record to say that George will not with Paris-Roubaix. In fact, if he wins Paris-Roubaix I will eat my shoes. Here are your options as to why:

His bike will explode.
He will launch an amazingly fruitless attack at exactly the wrong time with all the wrong people.
As usual, he'll end up in the second group of riders and not the first.
He'll crash early.
He'll crash late.
He'll crash often.
He'll crash within 10 meters of the finish line.
He'll stupidly lead out the sprint to the line and get tanked by the guy holding his wheel.
One of his teammates will launch an attack and he'll just sit there.
Anyone will launch an attack and he'll just sit there.
Despite his dreams, he just isn't the type of rider who can win Paris-Roubaix.
The creepy varicose veins on his calf will explode.
He'll get hit by a piece of the International Space Station.

Look, I like George. He is an amazingly talented cyclist, a fantastic super-domestique and amazing in short stage races. George is not a great Classics rider. He's a decent classics rider. But, seriously, to win Paris-Roubaix you need more than a bunch of people in Colorado clapping their hands saying, "I do believe!"

Also, because of the stupidity of Versus you cannot tell me who wins the race. I am deleting all of my cycling bookmarks and going dark from April 12 - April 21. I refuse to watch the coverage a week later and already know the outcome. This race is too much fun to watch.

Unless, of course, it's so horribly chopped up that Versus manages to make it boring.

/end pessimism.

A Mux Upon You

2008-04-10T13:47:00.002-05:00

New Muxtape is up.

Secretly I think it's my way of wishing it was summer. It's a little melancholy, but in a wistful sort of way. Also it really betrays my secret love of Zooey Deschanel. She's disturbingly cute and her singing voice doesn't change my opinion of her in the least. In fact it makes her cuter.

Crap. Now I have to let my wife either hit me or I'll have to watch two Johnny Depp movies.

They Could Be Made Of Water

2008-04-10T12:00:00.000-05:00

Yeah. Bong water, apparently.

I'm a TWIT(ter)

2008-04-09T09:21:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I joined twitter. Look to your right or go here. Essentially it's what you are doing or thinking in 160 characters or less.

I'll probably update it frequently with stupid jokes.

Because I'm stupid. And I like jokes. Match made in heaven.

Well...How Did I Get Here?

2008-04-08T16:04:00.004-05:00

Not sure how I've arrived at this juncture in my life. Matilda goes to a very, very large middle school. One of two in the district. They are getting a new principal next year and are conducting interviews with the applicants this week that parents and students are encouraged to attend.

Matilda and my wife and I have been asked to be on the committee to help select the new principal. Matilda is one of three students in the school on the committee and we're one of nine parents. Well, only one of us is going to be on the committee, but it was left up to us to choose. I think my wife will be doing it. But this is clearly an honor.

Matilda I understand. She's a straight A student, is on just about every extracurricular club and committee there is. She's an honors student, in the gifted program, wins awards, plays in the orchestra, is part of their closed-circuit TV station and is in the gifted program.

My wife? Well, she gave birth to Matilda, so she obviously had a hand in her brilliance. Though I must say that they asked for Mr. O'Brien on the phone. So there.

Me? I didn't contribute any genes here, so I can't take genetic responsibility for her smarts. I've been in her life since she was two, so there is the nature versus nurture argument but...

I'm the guy who used to dress up her Ken doll in a doctor's coat, play "Pick Up The Pieces" by Average White Band and have him dance around and hit on all the Barbies, calling himself Dr. Supafly.

There must be a mistake...

Dig Yourself a Dichotomy

2008-04-08T09:34:00.007-05:00

Just bought the new Nick Cave. It imagines Lazarus is brought back to life in modern day New York. Things do not go well for him, being as he's left to his own devices. Poor Larry. Well, I'll let Nick, ever the biblical scholar, explain it:

"Ever since I can remember hearing the Lazarus story, when I was a kid, you know, back in church, I was disturbed and worried by it. Traumatized, actually. We are all, of course, in awe of the greatest of Christ's miracles - raising a man from the dead - but I couldn't help but wonder how Lazarus felt about it. As a child it gave me the creeps, to be honest. I've taken Lazarus and stuck him in New York City, in order to give the song, a hip, contemporary feel. I was also thinking about Harry Houdini who spent a lot of his life trying to debunk the spiritualists who were cashing in on the bereaved. He believed there was nothing going on beyond the grave. He was the second greatest escapologist, Harry was, Lazarus, of course, being the greatest. I wanted to create a kind of vehicle, a medium, for Houdini to speak to us if he so desires, you know, from beyond the grave."

Nick usually sticks with the Gothic Old Testament material. Interesting. Video:

The dichotomy? Well, while I'm enjoying Nick's aggressive darkness, I'm really obsessed with The Great Lake Swimmers. What do they sound like? Kind of like laying on your back in a swimming pool on a day where the weather is perfect so that the air, the water and your body are all the same temperature so you can just float and stare at a clear blue sky and lose yourself in a deep meditative happiness.

Plus, they wrote the best love song that uses cartography to describe a woman's body:

This one makes me want to sit and drink a beer while looking out over a valley toward the morning mist lifting out of dense trees on a mountaintop. In fact, there's a woman at 1:37 who looks exactly how this band makes me feel. Which is awesome because since yesterday I've billed out half the hours I billed out in a five day period last week. And that five day period was a record week for me. Looks like I'll beat that this week. Me tired. Enjoy:

And this song makes me, well, want to be in the video. I wonder if my large family will meet me in a green field for a picnic? At about 1:50 you will start rooting for the drummer to hit the cymbal. You know he wants to. But he shows amazing restraint.

Because I'm Busy

2008-04-07T13:02:00.005-05:00

And I've been working since 5:30 this morning (minus time for a really shitty bike ride thanks to Mr. Diabetes). And it made me smile. I don't get it and I get the sense Louis Prima would kill this guy, who may be the illegitimate child of Salvador Dali, but still . . .

Is One's Name Cornelius?

2008-04-03T16:00:00.001-05:00

We're losing our grip, humans. Once one of these monkeys, hopefully not named Aldo, rises up and says "No" we're screwed.

Cat Power on Letterman

2008-04-02T16:14:00.000-05:00

You know, after years of alcohol and mental issues I thought Chan Marshall was getting better. She's been more together on stage than ever. And, yet, in this fantastic performance she put in on Letterman, it appears as though she's regressing.

I do believe she's singing to invisible midgets.

Merlin Mann is a Genius

2008-04-01T15:02:00.001-05:00

And you're not. Neither am I. But this is just a brilliant observation.

Blanket April Fools Comment To Most Websites

2008-04-01T11:11:00.003-05:00

Oh. Ha ha. Very clever.

Thank you.

Update to the Last Post

2008-03-31T20:26:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I guess the first one is free. I now own the other two Grace Potter & the Nocturnal albums and I also bought the live set. Musical obsessions are so easy for me.

I really recommend heading over to the GPN website and picking up the live site. It's only five bucks and you get an instant download. Very worth it and a good intro to their music. The other two albums available are also highly recommended. Three great discs for under $30. Can you beat that?

This One's For the Boys

2008-03-31T14:30:00.004-05:00

Just got Grace Potter's This is Somewhere. (Thanks John!) I have to say it's one hell of a band. Potter is quite a versatile songwriter and, considering her age, she seems to be in touch with something deep in the roots of American rock (including blues, jazz and gospel). While this album doesn't pack the raw power of the other album I've been able to hear (Nothing But the Water, on Yahoo music and which I plan on picking up), it certainly seeps in and moves you. There are two main contributors to that seepage: Grace's amazing voice and Scott Tournet's guitar. There's a sophistication here that the earlier work I've heard lacks. It showcases Potter's songwriting as opposed to just her voice; it shows her as a whole artist rather than the sum of her parts.

While the album is quite good, with an excellent pop sensibility (no, "pop" is not a bad word if you filter it through your Brian Wilson/Phil Spector glasses), what it lacks is that raw, emotional, impromptu energy that the band seems to draw from their audience at live shows. How can you capture that in the studio? It seems as though the studio provides a blueprint and the songs evolve over time. The way good songs do.

However, from what I understand, the albums are merely meant to lull you into simple enjoyment and entice you to their live shows. Once you arrive, it appears as though you enter a rock and roll tent revival where you are filled with the spirits of the blues and soul musicians that lead to Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. John tells me they play 150 - 200 shows a year, so I hope none of us miss that opportunity.

Ah, I promised something for the boys. Check out this video of Grace Potter & the Nocturnals performing "Nothing But the Water" from the album of the same name. I defy you to not find yourself mesmerized by this performance. There isn't a superlative to remotely describe what they do here. Total mass destruction. I just hope they closed this show, because anyone who had to follow them on stage might have given up music in shame. This one performance shows the depth of their influences. It's like Crazy Horse, Janis Joplin and The Allman Brothers decided to discuss Muddy Waters in a gospel church.

How is it for the boys? Well, at about 3 minutes in Grace Potter shows how a woman with a soulful, powerful voice can take a simple movement and make you putty in her hands. The best response I've gotten to this video thus far is, "Is it wrong that I wish I were a Hammond B3 organ?"

Muxing it Up

2008-03-31T08:39:00.003-05:00

I will do two 52 things this week. Not that anyone else cares, but I'll do them.

Didn't have time last week, because I have deadlines out the wazoo and my buddy got married on Saturday (yay Mike & Erika!). It was a great wedding and, perhaps, one of the happiest I have ever attended. It's rare to see so many people so happy for a couple. When they were presented to those who gathered they were met with thunderous applause. Pretty cool

And whoever helped them choose some of the music was a fricking genius. He should be inducted into the hall of fame. Never have a bride and groom danced to a more perfect song.

Anyway, I'm playing with a new website that is sure to be taken down soon. So, I made you a muxtape. Listen to it. Just click on the first song and let it play. Enjoy.

Festival of Strings

2008-03-27T10:20:00.001-05:00

Last night Madilda performed at the district’s annual Festival of Strings. It’s a concert where all the schools' orchestras perform for a bunch of smiling parents.

Just as seventh grade was getting ready to perform a polite, well-behaved young man, looking to be high-school-aged, tapped my wife on the shoulder and inquired as to where Matilda was seated. Chris kindly pointed out her daughter and the young man politely thanked her.

Because it was hot in the gymnasium I removed my jacket so that I could feel much cooler in just a t-shirt. I then promptly beat the living hell out of the kid.

All the other dads of pre-teen girls stood up and cheered.

A precedent had to be set and I believe the message was firmly communicated.

The World According to Gert: Special Intentional Humor Edition

2008-03-26T09:21:00.000-05:00

At dinner last night I was paging through a cycling magazine and came across a photo of a crash in process. Cyclists were suspended in the air, moments from “tasting early season pavement” as the caption read. It was a bizarre, caught in amber moment.

Here’s a similar shot, though not quite as pristine.

“Hey Gert,” I said, pointing to Alberto Loddo in the photo (the airborne guy in yellow and white), “what do you think is going through this guy’s head right now?”

She looked at it critically for a moment.

“Bike wheels,” she replied.

The World According to Gert, Pt. 4

2008-03-26T09:15:00.001-05:00

Last night we were putting together a sectional for the room in our house in which no furniture can enter due to poor floor planning Gert came into the house inconsolably sobbing.

“She’s gone,” she cried. “I can’t find her anywhere! Where could she be?”

“Who’s gone?”

“Clarabelle,” she wailed.

“Who is Clarabelle?”

“My favorite stick!”

Clarabelle was a bleached white stick that she found at Creve Coeur Lake last year. She’s carried it around and played with it since then. I had no idea it was named Clarabelle.

“Well,” I asked, “where did you see her last?”

“Out front. Yesterday, when I was doing karate.” Of course, that all seemed logical. When your best friend is a stick, that’s what you’d play.

So we did a full on stick hunt. To no avail. Clarabelle is gone. We’re going to look around the neighborhood after school today, worried that she may have been sticknapped by some neighborhood miscreant. If we don’t find her, we’ve decided to go back to the lake and see if we can find Clarabell’s family and bring one home.

“Okay,” Gert said. “But it has to be a girl and she has to be just a little bit taller than me.”

Of course. It all seems logical.

Meet The New Bike

2008-03-24T21:02:00.002-05:00

CR1: The Ca(o)rbon(m)ite Maneuver
Originally uploaded by scifitwin

I picked up the new bike today and rode it for a bit. It was sweet. Light, extremely responsive and agile in a sprint. Looking forward to logging a ton of miles on it. Expect to hear me talk about it. A lot. Maybe too much. Excessively even.

I think I'm going to really love this one. I'm even actually thinking of doing some group rides.

I know! That's almost social. Very strange.

The old bike is staying. Putting cyclocross tires on it again and will be using it for bad weather, winter, trainer rides, riding with the kids and am planning on doing at least one leisurely KATY trail ride during the week instead of the usual, boring recovery ride.

As long as you're at Flickr, hit my photostream and check out some great new pics of the girls too.

I Hope My Wife Will Understand

2008-03-20T20:00:00.004-05:00

I don't know if I've been living under a rock or what, but--no offense honey--I'm in love. You know I'm a sucker for a girl with a sultry, soulful voice. And this one plays the Hammond B3 and covers Otis Redding...

..shows Steve Miller what Paul Pena was really trying to do...

..and tears up a Gibson while sounding like she and her band could take the place of Crazy Horse behind Neil Young on "Cowgirl in the Sand"...

I'm not sure if their albums sound this way, but damn. I'm hot for Grace Potter's voice. It's true. She's been added to a long list of women whose voices make me melt.

The World According to Gert, Pt. 3

2008-03-20T14:50:00.002-05:00

Earlier this week we had an amazing amount of rain. It rained from Sunday until Tuesday. And not just sprinkles, but hard, angry rain.

Yesterday, after everything calmed down the girls and I decided to go drive and check out the damage in the area roads (to be read: where I ride my bike). To my surprise, all of those little roads in the bottoms were clear. Didn't know about St. Chuckles across the river, but at least I could ride near home, I thought.

"Yay," I said. "I think I can definitely ride tomorrow."

"Well," Gert said, "Don't get your hopes up."

We rounded a corner and started driving by the lake where I park. Lo and behold the lake was coming up to the edge of the trail there. Uh oh. And as we turned the corner it was actually covering the trail all through the rear of the park.

Now, no big deal because I don't have to start there. But it was pretty discouraging because if the lake was that swollen, then some of the other roads that I didn't check might be under water too.

"Told you not to get your hopes up," Gert said.

Well, I got my ride in today, though it was messy out there. Lots of debris. I felt guilty riding my bike while people were cleaning up.

Oh and the new ride? It's built. Just waiting for my no shoes to come in so I can go in and get my fitting done. Then? It'll be raining and cold for three weeks. Mark my words.

See? I'm not getting my hopes up.

We Live in a Beautiful World

2008-03-20T07:18:00.003-05:00

It's an amazing world when you can watch...

Lone Wolf McQuaid

The Three Amigos

A freaking David Lynch movie (Mulholland Drive . . . don't watch this at work. Or if you're drunk. Or on psychotropic drugs. Or, in anyway, normal.)

And Firefly. Firefly!

Sure, there are some commercials, but it's free. On your damn computer.

Now you NEVER have to work again!

There are full screen options on their website. So you don't have to watch in that tiny window. Unless you want to.

52 Things: Favorite Breakfast Item

2008-03-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

The girls are on Spring Break and we’re planning a home version of IHOP for lunch. We’re going to head up to the store and pick up things like chocolate chips, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, whipped cream and a variety of tasty syrups (hopefully small) and we’re going to have a carb-fest for lunch by creating whatever Frankenstein pancake we can think of.

And why not? Breakfast is clearly the very best meal of the day. Did you just ask why? Surely you cannot doubt this. Sigh. I’ll explain.

Breakfast is the only meal in which dessert is the main dish. Pancakes? Covered in syrup, sugary fruits, jellies and butter, depending on your personal flapjack fetish. Waffles? Can be made into a cone and filled with ice cream. Yogurt parfait? Nothing more than a fruity, nutty sundae with active cultures. Smoothies? A classed up milkshake.

So, seriously. Let’s not lie about it.

Secondly? Sausage. Bacon. Canadian bacon. Ham. The pig is resplendent at breakfast. It is the centerpiece, the animal of choice. Gut busting porkstraganza. I don’t think we can argue this point. Artery slamming pork fat makes any day brighter.

Plus, the main drink that goes with breakfast isn’t some hoity toity wine. It’s coffee. And usually more coffee than you can physically fit into your body. Tasty, tasty caffeine.

So, what’s my favorite breakfast item? The breakfast buffet.

Breakfast buffets are much better than any other meal’s buffet. They are dripping with cholesterol. Resplendent with crispiness, fluffiness and cheesiness. Most of it is fried and what’s not fried you either drown in butter and syrup or you douse with some sort of cheese or cheese sauce. Vegetables? Put inside eggs, covered with cheese and called an omelet. Usually also filled with ample pork products. And don’t get me started on country gravy.

Cop out? Perhaps. But it’s also the best answer.

I need some sausage.

Pure Bug Beauty

2008-03-14T08:08:00.002-05:00

Pure Bug Beauty
Originally uploaded by scifitwin

Analyze My Dream

2008-03-14T07:26:00.001-05:00

So, last night I dreamt it was INTERCOT’s birthday and we were having a huge party. We were in an auditorium somewhere in Disney and there were hundreds of people there. It was a packed house.

Here’s where it gets weird. On stage, amid a bunch of kids and moms dressed up as cowboys was our emcee, Woody Harrelson. He walked across the stage to a trunk. He opened the trunk, pulled out and put on an HR Pufnstuf costume, and then started dancing around.

52 Things #1: The Truth About My Wife’s Yarn Habit

2008-03-12T10:46:00.002-05:00

I felt that since my wife is the one who decided on these topics that she deserves the honor of being the subject of the first one I complete. She chose that I talk about her yarn habit and, therefore, I must.

Is this a slippery slope? To discuss my feelings about my wife’s hobby? That which occupies at least 98% of her time? The one activity she does while doing everything else? She purls while sautéing onions and manages an intarsia while shaving her legs. It’s disturbing.

I certainly understand obsession. I’ve had two hour conversations about the use of a triangle in “God Only Knows.” A note that 90% of people never even notice. On a daily basis I leave my house dressed in less than 1/8 inch of body hugging lycra so that I can spend a few hours on a bike saddle so small that most people would view it as a torture device.

Yes, I’d like to have eye contact when we talk and it would be nice to sit next to someone who isn’t holding something that could be used to kill me at any moment, but I can deal with that.

In the past few years I’ve fed that habit. Just this past Christmas I spent an obscene amount of money on hand dyed yarn that comes from the fleece of virgin llamas raised on a Buddhist farm, that only ate organic food and were kissed on the cheeks by cherubs on a daily basis. I fully support her habit.

It’s the websites that freak me out.

After watching her in her active communities I can’t help but think that knitting is what shy people do if they want to be exhibitionists but don’t like nudity. It’s fiber porn.

It’s all about the boobs.

All of these women are fantastic knitters. They truly create wonderful pieces. And they photograph their chests to share with everyone. They post the photos for other women to admire with titles like, “Double Twisted Cable” or “Cashmere Cardigan”. They are proud of their work and they are willing to share their secrets with one another. They claim they are showing of the fruits of their labor not the fruits that men savor.

But if that’s the case, what’s the deal with thrusting out one hip and striking a seductive, sexy stance? What’s with the come hither body language?

My wife swears that it’s all about the sweater, not the meat. But when she’s in the kitchen scrolling through pages of women’s chests I can only see boobs.

Oh, and she posts these photos too. And they are awesome. I love it when she takes those photos. And I’m always thankful when, after staring at it for ten minutes, wondering how I can print it out and carry it in my wallet, she points out the amazing sweater that I’m supposed to be looking at.

I’m married to a hottie knitter. I think I’m okay with that.

So what do I think of her habit? I love it. I support it. But I never realized it would lead to Purls Gone Wild.

The World According to Gert, Pt. 2

2008-03-10T12:03:00.003-05:00

I mean beside the fact that this morning she told me to make sure her Build-a-Bear doesn't get in to mischief today and then informed me, when I asked what she and mom were talking about that I should just "go about my business."

Saturday we were playing animal surgeon, thanks to some awesome set up by Grampy. She had a poor little dog on the operating table and was trying to save him. I was holding the anesthesia hose and monitoring his blood pressure.

"How much am I getting paid for this," I ask.

"One cent."

"What? What are you making?"

"$1000."

"I'm only making 1/10000th of what you're making?"

"I'm the doctor," she says, dripping with superiority.

"Yeah," I say, "but that doesn't seem fair."

"Let's plat Deal or No Deal," she says, leveling a frighteningly serious adult look at me. "One penny or zero. Which do you choose?"

Pray you never work for her when she grows up.

Soon

2008-03-08T15:33:00.002-06:00

Oh yes, you will be mine. Oh yes.

I'm entering the carbon phase. Just in time for developers to destroy my favorite road and put in an office park.

Friday looks like it will probably be purchase day. Any suggestions on shoes and pedals, please feel free to pass along. I don't want to spend too much money on them. Enough to get a good set of each, but not so much that it's going to make me cry every time I click in.

Announcements

2008-03-07T10:18:00.002-06:00

I have officially hit Inbox zero. I've deleted a disgusting amount of email that I had been holding on to and processed the rest and will archive folders that I need for business backups next week.

I run two inboxes: personal and business. Both are at zero. When I have one of my pre-determined Outlook open periods I read the email and either immediately respond, move it to a To Do folder or delete it. I do a lot of deleting. Once it is done in To Do I assess if I should keep it, if so it goes into the corresponding folder. If not, I fry it.

You have no idea how much time this has saved me. These past two weeks have been some of the most productive I've had in four years. So productive, in fact, I recieved the full manuscript for a Fitness book last week and I finished my work on it today, including permissions, credits and all other annyoing little things. That's amazing. I've never turned a project around that quickly. Of course, I guess I lost money on it... Hmm.

Now, I only have pages for one book and three books to turnover by sometime in April. That should be interesting, especially considering the amount of photo work that needs to go into one and the fact that the other is a contributed first edition. An yet I'm not worried. Could be that, for once in my life, I'm being properly treated for my anxiety issues (God, if I only knew what to do when I was 10 the last few decades would have been so much easier). Still.

Anyway, my announcement: Starting next week I will be tackling a project I call "52 Things." I have tasked my wife to create a list of 52 topics and questions that she would like me to weigh in on. Some are quite weighty and others are quite weird. She did a fantastic job and has pushed my weird idea into exactly the direction I wanted it to go.

The rules are simple. Starting March 10th I have to post a written response or essay on one of the 52 topics. I do not need to go in order and I can make minor (MINOR) adjustments to the topic. I must post this response between Monday and Friday. No excuses. For the week I am on vacation I can chose to publish two the week before or two the week after because I will be on top of a mountain in will not have Internet access unless I go to McDonalds and, well, that won't happen.

Some of the topics?

Which song best sums up your current state of affairs?
How long can you hold your breath, and why do you know this?
Something you skated through that you wish you'd paid more attention to
Why are you reluctant to join groups?
Prehensile tail or third arm? Defend your choice.
One thing you wish your dad had been around to see
Our neighbors' nicknames

Some will require research. But you get the point. If you have a better title, please let me know. Otherwise "52 Things" it is.

Now I have to go think about my favorite breakfast food (sausage). It's going to be difficult to choose (sausage). I mean, there's bacon (the chocolate of meat) but it's so one dimensional. Pacakes? Hmmm. (Sausage).

A Few Notes

2008-03-05T08:11:00.002-06:00

Starting late this week/early next week I will be starting a new project here on the blog that will entail a weekly post (minimum) in essay form. Once I figure it out, I will explain it to you. What does this mean? That if you visit this barren wasteland of crap I'll actually be providing you something to read.

Point is, I forgot how to write because of the amount of time I've been working. So I'm forcing myself to write with this new project. More to come.

Secondly, I have to explain to you why I like Stephen Malkmus. It's simple, really. While it's true that his solo music doesn't rise to the heights of what he produced with Pavement, Malkmus' solo music has something that Pavement never had:

Unabashed, gleeful, masturbatory guitar.

Each album is dripping with guitar. It's everywhere. So much so that each album contains one 10 minute opus that is 90% guitar noodling. "No More Shoes", "1% of One", "Real Emotional Trash". It's fantastic. But it's never self-indulgent, Eddie Van Halen bullshit. It's fun, humorous, melodic and brash.

Ground breaking art? Maybe not. But damn if it's not fun to roll down the windows and turn it up and listen to him wail on the guitar.

What the world needs now is another feedback-filled guitar solo.

Do not feed the oyster, Elmo Delmo.

Note To People Who Email Me

2008-02-26T13:08:00.004-06:00

There was a time, not so long ago, that I wast a techno-addict. Gadgets, constantly connected to everything, checking my email on vacation, responding, constantly changing directions to please whomever has dumped the contents of their brain into my inbox and expecting an immediate response.

I'm letting everyone know publicly that I'm ending that. I've set up a system in my email that filters out certain messages to be dealt with later. Only my clients end up directly in my inbox. Everyone else has been categorized so that I can answer all the personal emails at another time. Look, it's not you, it's me. And the sheer volume of emails I deal with. I process well over 100 emails a day, minimum, and at least 40% of them require a quick turnaround. I get email from business contacts, my business partner, our administrative coordinator, freelancers who are out on jobs for us, the clients I'm currently working with, clients who have questions about their invoices, anyone from the book team I'm working with on any give project (including, but not limited to, production managers, marketing, sales, authors, executive editors, publishers, permissions coordinators, editorial assistants, photo researchers, copyright holders, etc.), blog correspondence, alerts from INTERCOT and associated responsibilities and, finally, friends and family.

If you feel bad about being filtered into a folder to be dealt with based on a ranked system that allows me to manage my time more efficiently, blame Merlin Mann and his Inbox Zero plan. I cannot say that I will begin answering emails as brilliantly as Meriln, but I can say that he bought me an extra productive hour this morning that I haven't had in years.

Oh, and here's the other thing: I'm only opening up my email client three times a day. In the morning, after lunch and at the end of my day. I'll then deal with all that is sent to me or, get this, I'll categorize it to be dealt with later. Today was the first day and, honestly, it's fantastic. I've gotten so much done. And 15 minutes after I returned from lunch? My inbox is empty. Nothing requires my immediate attention. In the past, my inbox was chock full and it felt like everything required my immediate attention.

But, seriously? If it can't wait three hours then you should be calling me. Email is not a means of instant conversation. I'm not your monkey.

So, if you email me and don't hear from me instantly, I'm sorry. I'm accomplishing at that moment.

Wait until you hear what I've done with my phone... No, wait, that's a secret.

Star Wars According to a Three-Year-Old

2008-02-26T11:02:00.000-06:00

Funniest kid ever?

Joe Henry Live in Amsterdam

2008-02-25T16:55:00.003-06:00

Taking a break from a horrible work schedule to tell you to watch this. It's a full set from the Paradiso on Feb 2, 2008. It's sweet. And probably the closest I'll come to seeing him, since it's been about a decade, or more, since he's come here. That predated my introduction and subsequent obsession. Actually, obsession seems too understated...Anyway, hit the full screen button, crack open a good wheat ale and enjoy.

How to Become an Internet Rock Star in 10 Scary Steps

2008-02-18T13:04:00.003-06:00

The paradigm for music delivery has significantly shifted in the last 8 years. My consumption is completely different. I listen mostly to my iPod. I listen to a wider variety of artists. And my consumption has increased by at least 20%.

I get a lot of music for free, legally. More often than not that free MP3 translates to an album purchase by me. If you have a good product, I'll buy it.

Jonathan Coulton is the perfect example. He "released" a new song the other day. Right there on his website was a link to the MP3. For free. I listened to the song and I liked it. So I clicked on the option to buy the song and paid my dollar. Essentially, I decided that my entertainment was worth a buck. I could have kept the free version.

Jonathan Coulton is the perfect Internet star and has shown how the medium can be used for more than piracy, porn and viagra.

Check out the article and video on Yahoo on this very subject. Then go buy a bunch of his music.

Part-Time Teacher

2008-02-14T16:02:00.000-06:00

Holy crap. Harrison Ford still has it. Linky.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T11:59:00.002-06:00

Ah, what do you get a girl who has been in your life for nearly a decade? How do you express your feelings when your writing skills have gone to hell? Why, with a song. Not mine, of course. She's already heard my nine minute opus on waffles. No, with other people's words. It's very sweet, if you could hear it. Imagine the brilliance. Believe it or not, all the songs make perfect sense for us. And there are two that refer almost directly to our first few dates. And her favorite breakfast food that I make.

1. The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You
2. Oh No! Oh My! - Our Mouths Were Wet
3. Let's Go Sailing - Sideways
4. Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly
5. Half-Handed Cloud - We're Very Greatly Loved
6. Os Mutantes - Baby
7. Figurines - The Air We Breathe
8. Seymore Saves The World - Love Song
9. Los Campesinos! - You! Me! Dancing!
10. Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
11. Landon Pigg - Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop
12. Billy Bragg - A Lover Sings
13. Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
14. Herman Düne - I Wish That I Could See You Soon
15. Eels - I Want To Protect You
16. Nic Armstrong & The Thieves - In Your Arms on My Mind
17. Cat Power - I Believe In You
18. Bob Dylan - The Man In Me
19. Bon Voyage - I Just Wanna (Be With You)
20. Loudon Wainwright III - Passion Play
21. David Karsten Daniels - The Dream Before The Ring That Woke Me
22. Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want Is You

What did she get me? A monkey mixed with a pony. But she may have used too many monkeys. But that's okay. It's enough that she ruined a pony for me.

The girls made me awesome cards.

Gert front:

Gert inside:

Matilda outside:

Matilda inside:

My kids are way cool. They're mine. You can't have them.

Sun Comes Up, It's Tuesday Morning

2008-02-12T14:39:00.001-06:00

Because sometimes you don't have anything to say and you just happen to like Margo Timmons a lot.

I Saw Willie Mays at a Scottsdale Home Depot

2008-02-06T11:23:00.000-06:00

I know. I said no videos and I was talking about how busy I am. But this is Joe Henry. Not just Joe Henry but Joe Henry 1. talking about the single best song released in 2007 and 2. sitting alone at a piano playing the single best song released last year.

How good is this song? It still floors me whenever I hear it. Go buy Civilians for this song and stay for the brilliance of the rest of it. It's so good that upon seeing this video I immediately put Civilians on. This song makes me proud and sad at the same time. It's so good that I cannot even find the words to describe it. In fact, it should be the song you hear in your head when you think about life.

Truly, this is my song. I think I've felt this way nearly every day for ten years. Lyrics follow the video.

How good is this song? It's so good that Joe Henry is willing to give you the song for free knowing that it's impossible for you to not want the album after hearing "Our Song." Go ahead download it and listen. It's so simple and brilliant that it makes you say, "Joe Henry's a fucking genius" and you actually mean it.

It's so good because of the way Joe sings it, the way the lines are broken up, the way the end of each line seems to sigh into the next.

Put even more simply, this is the best politically-tinged song you never realized had anything to do with politics. Because it's not about politics, per se, it's about how we feel. How we all feel.

I saw Willie Mays at a Scottsdale Home Depot
Looking at garage door springs
At the far end of the 14th row
His wife stood there beside him
She was quiet and they both were proud
I gave them room but was close enough
That I heard him when he said out loud

This was my country
This was my song
Somewhere in the middle there
It stared badly and it's ending wrong
This was my country
This frightful and this angry land
But it's my right if the worst of it might still
Somehow make me
A better man

The sun is unforgiving
And there's nobody would choose this town
But we've squandered so much of our good will that there's
Nowhere else will have us now
We push in line at the picture show
For cool air and a chance to see
A vision of ourselves portrayed as
Younger and braver and humble and free

This was our country
This was our song
Somewhere in the middle there
It stared badly and it's ending wrong
This was our country
This frightful and this angry land
But it's my right if the worst of it might still
Somehow make me
A better man

I've started something I can finish and
I barely leave the house its true
I keep a wrap on my sores and joints but I
Guess I've had my blessings too
I've got my mother's pretty feet and the
Factory keeps my house in shape
My children they’ve both been paroled and
We get by on the peace we've made
I feel safe so far from heaven
From towers and their ocean views
From here I see the future coming across
What soon will be beaches too

But that was him, I'm almost sure
The greatest centerfielder of all time
Stooped by the burden of endless dreams
His and yours and mine

He hooked each spring beneath his foot
He leaned over then he stood upright
Testing each against his weight
For one that had some play and some fight

He's just like us I want to tell him
And our needs are small enough
Something to slow a heavy door
Something to help us raise one up

This was my country
This was my song
Somewhere in the middle there
It stared badly and it's ending wrong
This was God's Country
This frightful and this angry land
But if it's his will the worst of it might still
Somehow make me
A better man
If it's his will the worst of it might still
Somehow make me
A better man

Funk Off

2008-02-06T09:47:00.001-06:00

I'm having a supremly bad day. So bad, in fact, it started yesterday. Possibly, even sometime last year. Evidence has shown that I haven't had a good day since roughly 2004. My stress level right now is so high they I think I may head may actually explode before lunch.

So, to try and calm myself I'm going to make a controversial statement:

Funk #48 is the superior Funk. Funk #49 is simply not as good. Sorry, no samples. You'll have to do the research on your own.

Also, while we're at it Dire Straits peaked with the song "Skateaway" and have never done anything as good. Jimi Hendrix's Band of Gypsys could have been better than the Experience based solely on the song "Who Knows". The Lyres deserve more attention. Richard Hell showed his genius with "Blank Generation" (sound sucks, but it's important). You've never heard of The Pop Group but OK GO owes them royalties. In the future political and other decisions will be based completely on opinion polls.

And, finally, today marks the 10th anniversary of the death of Carl Wilson. You should miss him:

That is all. For now, this is where I go.

Screw it. My hero of the week deserves a solo shot too.

The Church of Spock of Latter-Day Science Officers

2008-02-06T08:19:00.000-06:00

It is here. And it is glorious.

Jo Jo's Jacket

2008-02-04T15:31:00.000-06:00

I know I said no more videos, but Westworld was on yesterday and it made me think of this. And, for the record, it has a kitty solo.

I'm not what you think I am
I'm the king of Siam
I've got a bald head
My name is Yul Brynner
And I am a famous movie star
Perhaps you saw me in Westworld
I acted like a robotic cowboy
It was my best role
I can not deny I
Felt right home deep inside
That electronic carcass